Job Chapter 1

it's been awhile...

so here's the update: i know i should feel wretched and i do feel wretched but lately ive been so moved and compelled by the temptations and passions inside me. even knowing that they are wrong...i freely chose to indulge in them in reality and in mind. i am realizing just how much strength, faith, and endurance being a christian requires, while also realizing just how weak and inadequate i am. I cling to so many things--although blessings from God, I value the gifts more than the giver. i know the truth as its in my heart: it's responding in faith to the truth that has been difficult to me. As real and as true as it is to me, I always leave room for that little hint of doubt, "what if it is all a lie?" All it takes is a bit of doubt to taint the purity of one's faith.

Job Chapter One

All of Job's belongings, posessions are destroyed. It is as if his bank account were erased. It is as if he was the owner of starbuck's and all of his chains were suddenly and simultaneously destroyed. His security is wiped out.

Job's servants are murdered. Job who probably cared for them and loved these servants, probably received a great amount of honor and loyalty from these servants. The master servant relationship in Job's culture was most likely very different than the kind of slavery we are used to reading about in American History textbooks. if he was super cruel, why did the surviving servants go back to him to tell him of what happened? Job felt great sadness over the deaths of his servants.

On top of all this, Job's children all perish! All of his kids die at once. Job is haertbroken.

What would any normal person do if all these things happened. Probably commit suicide. Probably point to the heavens and curse God for such misfortune. Try to seek revenge in some way. These are all considered natural and justifiable reactions to calamity. However, Job is different.

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. then he fell to teh ground in worship and said: Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart. The lord gave and hte Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."

Prayer:

My lord, help me recognize you as Lord. Everything I have is from you. Everything I will have is from you. God please let me never curse your name--even in the midst of the greatest difficulties. In times of trial, strike me with the image of Christ's Passion. God be with me. Bless me Lord. I beg you to bless me. I know you wll bless me. But help me to never value the blessings over the blesser. cultivate my heart, let me at any point be willing to give it all to you.

Forgive me for my sins and the times where I have cursed your Holy name. For lacking reverence and spitting on your divinity. For deliberately choosing sin and choosing out of your love blessing and protection. Please bring me back to you.

Joshua 1:8

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Joshua 1:8

So here I am in the middle of a moral dilemma. I am just about the last junior without summer plans. I already applied for housing on campus but have nothing to do yet. my mom is breathing down my neck, wanting me to come back home. i love my mom so much.

I really really need a job.

Acccording to Joshua...if i meditate on God's word, i will be prosperous and successful. That's honestly what I want. HOwever, i can see this passage being twisted by greedy hearts to support a prosperity gospel. In what way will I become prosperous? In what will I find success? Jesus came down to make God's will for us crystal clear--and it involves more than worldly success and prosperity, it involves more than envy and awe from one's neighbors, in fact, it involves something wholly different--pain and suffering. We are to drink out of the same cup Jesus did--the one that made him weep in gesthemane. JESUS. PLease. I know that if I meditate on your word, i will be connected with you, my heart will beat in the same rhythem as yours, and I will do good. Please speak your beautiful words to me continuously.

Be with me in my weakness. Forgive me Lord.

May 11, 2005

From Isaiah 55:

"Come, all you who are thirsty"
"give ear and come to me' hear me, that your soul may live!"
Sure, I'm breathing right now. My stomach isn't empty and my pulse is beating regularly. To nine out of ten physicians, I am alive. But is my soul?

If I "listen to [God] and eat what is good" whatever that is....this chapter says that my soul will not only subsist but delight! Whatever it is I am eating is considered the "finest of fare."

What is this food that will bring me such pleasure? That will not only give my soul life but delight.

I cannot buy or purchase this meal on my own...i must turn to God. "Seek the Lord while he may be found." I must seek God...not later. But now. Now...he is eternal and eternally loving--he will not change--that isn't the reason for the urgency. THe urgency is my own heart. We must seek the Lord while our hearts still allow. This crazy world we live in can quickly turn a man's heart into stone--removing any compassion, any capacity for great love from inside him. Fear and embarassment plague the cowardly man. His soul rots. We must seek God now so that our hearts can stay fresh and soft--so that we may commit heinous acts of beauty and love in the name of the Lord who gives us strength. I want what my soul to be healthy--to eat the finest of food, to get healthy exercise, to hvae the physique of bruce lee. God give me the food i need.
You love me.